The time has come, I need a proper swimming costume. Not a sunbathing-friendly bandeau or anything with cut outs, but one that can navigate the rigours of a trip to Centreparcs and a waterslide called The Typhoon. A swimsuit that can withstand being shot out of a water tunnel at speeds of up to 45km per hour without any accidental flashing of my typhoon to nearby spectators.
Though practicality is the main requirement I would really, really like it to look good too, if at all possible. I do not enjoy a swimsuit. Frump central. They make me feel extremely Mumsy, and while that might be the reality I am not quite ready to throw in the (beach) towel. Not that I want a swimming costume that is sexy, God no, but I also wouldn’t want it to be unsexy either, just some sort of stylish middle ground. Sporty, maybe. I don’t really want people to look at me in my swimsuit, but I would quite like the woman in the adjacent raft on the Tropical Cyclone to ask me where it’s from. You know?
Well. In excellent news I think I have found it. The perfect swimsuit. One that fits every requirement. Chic but secure. Black, obviously. While I’m not adverse to patterned swimwear, so often the placement of the print is a bit questionable and you find yourself with a giant flower hovering above your unmentionables.
It’s a Miraclesuit Swimsuit, a brand I’ve been curious to try despite the OTT name and the fairly ludicrous claim on the label – Look 10 pounds lighter in 10 seconds! While the feminist in me isn’t entirely happy with this marketing strategy I can concede that the Slightly Smoothersuit doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
Does make everything a bit smoother though. Yippee. Without being an absolute workout to get on and off in the manner of Spanx et al. I love it. You don’t see this sort of design detail at M&S do you? I want to call it sports luxe. And did you see? Cutouts. Who you calling Mumsy now?
Miraclesuit Illusionist Azura Swimsuit, £143.95, from UKswimwear.com here. Swimsuit gifted by UK Swimwear. All opinions are my own.
Til next time,