Tales of False Lash Fails

False lashes are my beauty nemesis. I would say that we have a complicated relationship, but it’s not complicated I just hate them. I think my eyes might be too round. The inner corner always pings up, outing me as a faker.

Not only are my eyes the wrong shape, but I have the world’s weakest eyelids. A false lash impedes their function to such an extent than my lids hover at half-mast, unable to open fully, straining under the great weight. I look thoroughly unimpressed, radiating permanent stink eye. The problem only worsens with wine consumption: two glasses in I look demented. Or completely trollied. Neither of which are the look I’m going for.

Pre-children I would use the individuals ones, the clusters, which are fantastic but fiddley and time-consuming. Post-children, preening can take no longer than 20 minutes and must be low risk. Liquid eyeliner equals nervous breakdown. False eyelashes, same.

But it’s nearly Christmas and I have party season lash envy. So I’m giving them another whirl. This is our last rodeo. I’ve gone for the Ardell Demi Wispies, £4.39 from lookfantastic, because the glam girls on YouTube make them look v. easy.

They better had lookfantastic or it’s game over falsies.

Til next time,



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